Look, It’s My Blog

Hello, Tumblr readers!! Some of you who are blessed to have known me back in the day might remember I used to do a semi-annual “things I hate” edition of my Livejournal. You didn’t think just because I’m a fairly well adjusted adult with a job and place to live all that rage was gone, did you?

Yes, Things I Hate is back! So read, enjoy, and feel free to raise your fist and shake it:

1. British “American” actors. It always kind of puts me off when I find out someone on tv, playing an American is actually British. Or worse, Canadian. It’s always the real American guys, too. Fraiser’s dad? British. How can he be British? He speaks better “American” than I do. The father on Still Standing? British! I thought he was as American as Apple Pie, and it turns out he’s as American as Steak and Kidney pie; not very American at all! I don’t get it. And Eric McCormack! He used to bash bad Americans and American policy better than anyone on television, and then I find out he’s not even American, he’s Canadian! You can’t touch the Republican Party, they’re OUR fascist assholes, eh! Go back to Canada! 

2. Reporting junk e-mail. I reaaaally hate this. You know why? Because it’s the most pointless thing since the hunt for weapons of mass destruction. When the little thing pops up that asks if you want to report the junk mail, you want to think of yourself as a crusader. Someone who is heroically helping to keep bad mail out of mailboxes. At the very least, you want to think that there will be less bad mail in YOUR mailbox. But the next time you go to your e-mail, there’s just as much, if not more junk e-mail. But I reported it! You think. How can there be MORE?!?!?! Because they’re always more. For every good e-mail, there are a million christy@christycream.com asking if you want to see some ‘Barnalious’ photos. (I wish I was kidding about that one.)

3. I really hate The Aftershow, on MTV. Not particularly that, but just how much effort it takes to have a hobby nowadays. I mean, in the old days, you could like a television show, and watch it every week. And that was it. Now, there’s all this extra SHIT you need to keep up on. It makes you feel like you’re missing out on something if you DON’T go and look up the other stuff. YEAH, I want to see exclusive behind-the-scenes Jersey Shore house tours and chats. But I’m too lazy to go to my computer, go find it, wait for my computer to load it up, and watch it. Even reading. In the Boston Globe Magazine, I was reading this article, and it was like “For more information on this subject, go to this website.” NO! I’ve got a life! And I’ve already wasted too much of it on Summer Fruit recipes!”

4. Reading obituaries. You spend time reading this nice little story, getting to know someone and all the wonderful things they did, and then you remember “Oh yeah, they’re dead.”

5. Andy Rooney’s eyebrows. I enjoy a witty commentary on today’s society. But not when it is coming from two unkempt eyebrows. Seriously, whenever I watch him, I have to hide my face and just listen because they are so gross. It’s not even a matter of plucking. It’s a matter of cutting. He should cut it all off and give it to locks for love. Seriously, how do eyebrows even GROW that long? Screw stem cell research, figure out if this freak of nature thing happens a lot. I don’t want my kids growing up with something like that. (Sidenote: I decided to google search “Andy Rooney’s eyebrows” and there’s a lot of things that come up, even his like “official page” on CBS news. And thankfully when I did a picture search, none of the pictures really did them justice.) I guess I can’t really make fun of him too much though. He kind of invented the concept of Things I Hate.

6. Pluto. When I was in grade school, I had to do a research project on the 9th “planet”. Now that it’s not a planet, I want the hours and hours I spent doing that research back. And that was back when you had to go to the library too. No Wikipedia back then! You had to go find real FACTS from real BOOKS! I hate you Pluto… if that even IS your real name. (Speaking of bad projects: during Black History Month in 5th or 6th grade, we had to do a project on an influential black person. Either I wanted to be ‘creative’ or all the really famous people were taken, so I picked Barbara Jordan a senator from Texas. That sucked so bad. There was NOTHING to write on her. I think I repeated that she had a glass eye like 8 times). 

7. Eating soup. I actually like a good bowl of soup, but there’s something really really lonely about eating soup. All hunched over, sipping a little spoonful of soup, from their little bowl full of a serving size just for one. Even the concept of soup (that it makes you feel better and warm inside) is sad; like you need some healing. Even if you were sipping soup with your hundred closest friends that included Mi Michelle Obama and Katy Perry, it’s still so lonely. It makes me a little sad to see someone eating soup. Especially alone. So next time you see someone eating soup, give them a hug. Even if they look like they don’t need it. 

So…what makes you so mad you just have to blog about it?